Even as a single mom, I would NEVER have taken my son to any event that was child-free when he was a kid. If the bride and groom dont want wild kids at their wedding, everyone else has to suck it up. , permenantly fucking up my relationship with Ramsey, his wife and kids by kicking them out of my wedding. The three of us have a blast, whether we are at Panera or the local burger joint, or out at a nice restaurant on a Saturday night. Yep. NTA. He caused a scene to punish his brother for daring have his own wedding the way he and his bride want. A SAHM, married young with 4 kids she's never allowed leave and a husband who thinks listening to your wife makes you a "simp" Something tells me her life isn't a bed of roses. It was all plaid for by me and my wife. Don't let your family convince you of otherwise. At all. This is key, because he has the patience of a fly, and is used to school or Mommy / Daddy making his food right away. I wouldve done the same. The brother sounds like a cult leader. Why not use your money and vacation time for something relaxing or that will make you happy instead? Plus there's the whole bonding thing, those biological urges are strong and make it really hard to leave a newborn with other people. Go." Ok I feel like your only getting all these NTA because this is Reddit . Are you so cheap/lazy that you cant find a babysitter for the night? I get it, weddings can be family events, or they cannot. Also, I'm sorry your parents are stupidly defending him. This literal exact scenario happened to my cousin and his wife. Best of luck! NTA. Had to scroll way too far to find this, first thoughtful comment that actually considered the children involved. Their answers might surprise him. Serve this shit back to them. how can you say no? she took me home and i didn't get my berry smoothie!" the day some one finally gave him a boundary? Did anyone in your family try to change your mind before the wedding about children? Like other people's birthdays, holidays and days where the spotlight isn't directly on HIM. You would only be the AH if he hadnt known about the request in the first place. Let the kids grow some wings and stop being a helicopter parent. I think OPs brother has never ever done this. Your brother took his needs over yours on your big day. What a fucking narcissist. His sister is getting married the week after I am & he already he's not going to her wedding. "My brother is not friends with my friends, but he knows them by association and gets along with them, and he's invited them to his wedding. He was a dick and ignored the rule and brought his four rowdy children to an adult event. Not only did he call me a lunatic but a terrible brother and terrible uncle. Go. Ramsey got what he was looking for. There were a variety of reasons for that, but anywhere where we specifically werent invited there was never an argument. Not putting the kids in a position to be kicked out was the responsibility of their father. Sit back and enjoy. He showed up ready for conflict and he got it. Which is then being taught to the children. NTA he knew the guidelines beforehand. OMG THANK YOU FOR KNOWLEDGE OF THIS SUB YOU MADE MY DAY . Super sleazy of him to show up just before the wedding in an attempt to force u to allow his kids to stay. Im sorry it caused a scene. I only remember the cake and chocolate, nothing else. You can tell your father that you wont ever forget this day, either. Good luck to yourself and your wife, these waters are going to be rough. Id go insane. And several of they were dxd with ADHD. That phrase = asshole parents and children. Were you close and are they relationships youll regret losing? NTA. NTA, your wedding your rules. If Ramsey is out of your life, you will be much calmer and happier. By forcing the issue, hes due to have some people show him the door, and he shouldnt be surprised when it happens. He didn't just disrespect the simple request, he went out of his way to deceive you about it. OP's brother did nobody a favour. and Poopoo! During the vows. The whole family is at the party and looks after the kids. NTA! The guy [32M] i've [28F] been dating for the past two weeks got angry at me because I don't text him first and is now icing me out. If there are other kids there I suppose itd be a different story, but in OPs case it was clear that there would be no other kids there. He also called me a simp for agreeing to my wife's "stupid" rule. Ask them why it's okay for him to lie to and disrespect you, as well as insulting your wife; don't let them dodge, just keep repeating the question until they acknowledge it. NTA. I went to a wedding like this pre-kids! Its extremely controlling. Parents Want Daughter To Change Wedding Venue For Brother: AITA I feel bad for her. Your brother is a sociopath. He didn't come and I found out later he was PISSED about what I said, but I'm not at all sure exactly what he was expecting Cant stand that my sweet angels crap. That means throwing out wedding-crashers and drunkards and troublemakers if necessary without having to come through you/your spouse. It's not a word you should use to legitimately put someome down like OP did. Its not to say that OP isnt justified. Good on you for upholding your boundaries. You gave a clear expectation and he chose to push the boundaries. Great memories without them there either, but you just gotta be in the right mindset. Like family gatherings, sure. Why take a newborn? My culture has a saying that doesnt translate well but the main idea is that, who you welcome to your wedding is how blessed your life will be. And he now has gotten everyone to turn on you. He was trying to use reverse psychology so you would say aww, I forgot how sweet your little angels are. And he caused a scene. In fact, it was worse than I originally suspected. And IIRC one family stayed in the suite (they handled clean up.). Whats with the carting his kids around wherever he goes? Also the family feud that transpired after. Im so sorry you had to deal with this on your wedding day of all days. The whole thing comes off as the bride and groom thinking that they are really important, interesting people that everyone should celebrate. You are obviously somewhat close if thats the case. WEDDING. NTA. The fact that theyve never used one means they dont have anyone (outside of family) they trust to leave the kids withand in this situation all family was at the wedding. Thanks, guys. He's a total AH. Whats he gonna do when his kids move out. They are having a small gathering of just family members and a select group of friends as per the guidelines. And I dont understand your point, so Im discussing it. If they cant see that, youre better off without any of them. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Infants are basically lumps of dough that occasionally make noise - but you can easily move them out of the room if the noise is a problem. Absolutely, Im sure plenty of people wanted to bring their kids and begrudgingly accepted they couldnt. You could've handled things better at the wedding but pretty sure anyone would react the same way you did. I do wonder how OP would have reacted if brother didn't show up to his wedding though because he couldn't bring his kids. He was trying to be dominant/ be a rebels/ or is just an asshole. Because maybe hell think twice before pulling this crap again to you. Thanks, it really makes me feel deeply guilty. Otherwise, it is disrespectful to you in this instance, bad for his marriage, and bad for his kids to never be apart. You're a good husband. NTA at all. Also, your dad is an idiot. This is so basic AITA stuff it is practically formula. NTA. Minimum communication. How horrible for those kids to get all excited for a wedding party, only to be the subject of a loud argument. lol. So first, K misses the rsvp date. what a childish thing he knew he was trying to get away with something he wasnt supposed to do - he went back on his word. Did you really have to escalate this situation out of pride? The majority of relationship advice posts could be summed up with "just talk about it". This is exactly it. Sitting quiet for extended lengths of time over something they'd find boring? On that note, as a married individual, i would like to highlight the importance of a GOOD best man and your groomsmen. I actually feel sad for you. My family wouldve pitched a fit if someone showed up just as my husband was going up to the altar and church is starting to get all quiet and such and with 4 kids to boot! Be that as it may, once you set the rule, it should have been respected. And if the rest of the relatives are mad, that isn't your problem. You might want to think back and you might realize this is his pattern, especially since his kids go everywhere he does. You did nothing wrong. Your BROTHER was the first to trespass! Simp and sheeple will immediately make me think youre fourteen. Last week, M asks if K is coming. What even was brothers plan? Could you really not find it within yourself to be more gracious than your brother? If any guest can not oblige by the rules or respect their wishes then the guest or guests should not be part of the wedding, period. Your parents would have also wanted their grandbabies at such a huge milestone for the family too. People have to buy you a gift, get dressed up, then come sit through a ceremony. r/AITA in todays am I the a**hole stories, op has never got along with her future SIL but as the wedding approaches SIL seems to be taking things out on op. . What a model husband and father right there. NTA. NTA. Whaaaaat was he thinking. If I ever get married I think it would be a good idea as well. But now the brother ruined the wedding with his selfishness. When have you ever experimented with something new in the bedroom and it turned out to be horrible, awkward, hilarious or underwhelming? Technology is not a bad thing for kids. So they did not attend (sadly cause I really wanted that aunt there) but it was specific. That he planned to intentionally derail your wedding would be enough for no contact, but then he insulted both of you. But in this family, it somehow makes Ramsey the victim? My cousin had a childfree wedding and my sister had her 5 week old son with her because duh, breastfeeding a tiny human means he needs to be there. Ramsey needs to chill. At the wedding, Ramsey admitted he knew the wedding was child free. AITA for intentionally causing my competitive friend to rack up personal debt? It was such an obvious mark of disrespect. They grew up in a big family with loving grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins on both sides.". Please find resources in your area for leaving a church of this sort, find a new church (if you want) that's more relaxed, shop around, you dont have to pick the first one you come across. People like your brother who think the rules don't apply to them suck. Two years ago, I was finishing my bachelors & working part time while my fiance was finishing his accounting masters, working part time, and studying for his CPA exams. I would consider going LC with them for a little while, they clearly arent respecting you or your boundaries and you dont need this. On top of that, you have parents yelling at them all night. NTA!! Do not apologize. It's so, so good that you have family that you can reach out to. That Ramsey thought far enough ahead to initially comply, knowing full well he would bring them anyway, and assume OP and wife would just let them be is utterly ridiculous. NO. I can only imagine how angry you felt lmao. So sorry that he tried to ruin your wedding AND insulted your wife right before you were about marry her. He must take them to work too, right? Doesn't matter if the kids aren't toddlers, they were not invited. Hold your ground. If I knew nothing else about the man that would be enough. This is entirely his fault and it sounds like there's a lot of enablers orbiting him. It worked very well. I feel so sorry for his wife. I completely agree. That was definitely not meant as finger pointing and I wasn't meaning for it to be gender specific, it's just the only term I know for a wedding participant making silly decisions that alienate other people because it's "their big day." Stick to your guns. I mean, he's an asshole. One the other side, you were real clear of your wishes and on time. The alphabet doesn't need to be in order. NTA. I have no qualms not having someone there that can't respect that, family or no. Brother can gtfo. I wasn't hyper or badly behaved, but I sure was bored. I know midterms just passed but again not knowing her school schedule I'd assume she probably has a lot of end of year things going on. Your wedding your rules. RESPECT THE PARTY THROWERS REQUESTS!!! There are a few words I feel that way about. He doesn't just get to decide on the rules. I asked why he brought his kids and who said it was ok. he said no one but he was planning on bringing the kids all along and figured that by initially" agreeing to my rule then showing up with the kids *anyway would get me to agree on letting them stay. Seen as he can't see having some form of a personal life outside the kids. NTA. Im guessing he is the guy that takes the kids out to a nice restaurant and doesnt care if his kids are obnoxious and ruin other dinners evenings. The day that his brother showed his true colours, and how OP's family taught where it's fine for the brother to, like you said, push his kids down everyone's throats. If one if his kids is special needs, I assume you would have mentioned it. I didnt feel comfortable having them brought to the wedding and have someone else drive them home from the reception. Clearly, your brother's kids are not well-parented, and it's no surprise they behave poorly -- there's no consequences for them doing so. HE CAUSED THE DRAMA. If you want really disturbing just think if these kids were vaginal births, then they HAVE been where dad goes Go everywhere they go is code for, we have no personality beyond being a parent and wouldn't know what to say or do without them around. Weddings are a beautiful, special event and its a time yo focus on the bride and groom. NTA, not only did he assume you would just give up and let him in with his kids, but he also completely disrespected your wife on her wedding day. NTA. Because if you can't be your best self on your wedding day, and be generous to your guests, and rolling with the unexpected, how can you expect to be your best self within a marriagewhich is, at the end of the day, the supposed point of it all. Share with your guests to collect your wedding photos. Don't be an AH. It's not your feelings or the unshakeable fact you have done nothing wrong. I dont remember if it was an aunt, sister or what. The question OP is why would you want a relationship with your brother since he doesnt respect you or your wife. I gave Ramsey the invitation in person and he read it out loud then said "child free, ha?" We had no less than three people try to invite themselves along to ours, including the wife of a guy my husband worked for who he absolutely hated. Her family is also in the same church, and carries the same views, but doesn't treat people as badly. How are people so oblivious? He owes you and your wife an apology. Dude needs a reality check. I bet Ramsey has never asked his kids about how they feel about being dragged absolutely everywhere. Need a Last-Minute Wedding Dress? What was his expectation? My parents have a photo of me sitting politely at Brennan's in New Orleans when I was two. Also, dinner was stand out as they sat theirs kids at spaces for invited guests and made staff create extra spaces at already full tables. Pretty sure I heard the AC tell me to fuck off the other day. Its hitting finals study season.(For reference, she goes to school a 1 hour train ride away from Ms wedding, and Ms wedding is at lunchtime in a restaurant, so wont take long. But we went out and weren't even allowed the colouring packs. Insulting your brother's new wife ON THEIR WEDDING DAY? It must have worked - they are on their own and know howto behave in public. NTA. Get a sitter. I'm worried about your SIL. Your brother was though. Forget about him otherwise your wedding day/memories will forever be stained by that incident. NTA your family sounds toxic. My best man notified me that Ramsey had arrived and had all his kids with him. Ive really never understood why anyone would even want to take kids to a wedding. Seriously though, how do you find the right person? In YOUR weeding day and also disrespect your wife ??? it's called respect and your brother doesn't have that for you. (except your brother and his fiancee, who will suffer the consequences of the selfishness of the rest of you.). He selfishly robbed you of the 100% headspace and focus you should have had in Your moment on Your day. Plus at a certain point legal requirements (like fire code or limit to number of people of the space) can prevent the kids from being there. Anyway, I totally get how you feel dude and I'm sorry it happened. So by posting and getting apporval from strangers it makes us feel less insane. If they're forced to be allowed the same happens and they get no food. It was your and your partner's day. I am curious, and also for future reference! Babysitter got paid very well. He and your family have no basis for making you into the asshole. But they do everything they can to keep their claws in them. Idk probably NTA but this literally happened with my dad (he was in your position) and my uncle at my parents wedding and I never met him or my cousins my entire life because they became permanently estranged after the event. Very odd. I [28F] was pumped and dumped and now I feel completely worthless, how can i bounce back and be kinder to myself over this? NTA and if you allowed Ramsey to walk all over you on your wedding day rather than put up boundaries then there wouldn't be much of a relationship to be had there anyway. How about you respect me for the wedding that my wife and I are paying for and frankly did not have to invite you in the first place. As a mum, I love not taking my kids to functions. What the actual F did he think you were going to do with his brood!?! He needs constant supervision! NTA. And in that moment I thought to myself "now I see why people prefer child-free weddings". 12 Must-Have Items for Your Last-Minute Wedding Day Checklist, How to Deal With a Last-Minute Wedding Vendor Cancellation. Don't be too hard on her. I was told no children. Like, you were specifically told not to bring your kids. Then he moved onto all the moons. He's the one who disrespected you and your wife. Which sandwich is your absolute favourite sandwich? Weddings are supposed to be celebration of family. Im sure his wife is more than familiar with his views on whether a wifes choices and opinions deserve respect, but if she were somehow unaware, someone should tell her. There's no "should", the decision is up to the people who are having their wedding, not anybody else. Appreciate you! /smh. The invitation clearly said child free, and your brother consciously chose to ignore this expectation. Since he thought it was 100% ok to just try and sneak them in last minute. What makes you feel the most capable and masculine? There have been people who have come over with their kid(s) and it kills the day. Ramsey fucked up. Which meant getting into mischief and getting a stern talking to and a later punishment. Let them cool off, and if you find your life is better without them, consider keeping it that way; I sure would. He then MADE A SCENE at his brothers wedding after lying to his face about not bringing his kids, and then plays the victim. I get it, theyre awesome, but parents deserve a break. The only two "problem" guests were one of my husband's uncles who somehow thought he was magically exempted from the "no kids" rule because he was traveling to the wedding (until my MIL set him straight, thank God). Just be glad he is the socially stupid one in the family instead of it being you! They only downside is when the youngest blows up the fort Omfg, I wish I had someone like you! He disrespected your wishes (and everyone else that complied), lied, loudly lashed out about your bride in front of the ceremony invitees and ruined your wedding. Maybe she just didn't want to go or didn't have the money? Your brother sucks. Theyre the family and nieces and nephews. Your mourning your life, your family, your past, the future the little version of you dreamed of, your mourning a relationship with your future nieces and nephews. It must be tough for your SIL raising 5 out of control, unhinged children. And, if youd let him and his family stay, you would probably have to deal with further boundary stomping in the future. Maybe one of my fiance's and I's friends or something could do it.". I actually wouldnt choose to bring mine to a wedding anyway - weddings are super boring! NTA. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. The first time the word simp is uttered by anyone, my estimation of them is 100% garbage. But I've also been to weddings that were terrible for kids and I'm glad I didn't bring mine. I keep my woman in line. Good for you that you stood your ground. Some declined the invite because of it, which was fine and expected. Thats a learned behavior. They clearly stated it was not an emergency or anything the like, they did it with the purpose on bringing them whether or not the host wanted it the moment the brother received the invitation, disregarding his wishes and disrespecting them on top of it, and started to insult the the moment he came to talk to him. I can't believe they want you to feel bad because you didn't let your brother throw his temper tantrum and give him what he wants, they should be disappointed in your brother's actions and blatant disrespect for you and your wife. That's not okay. You actually stood up to him! She said wedding are a celebration for an entire family gaining a new member and should be a family affair where all generations come together, young and old, to celebrate the past and the future of the family and only selfish people who dont know what love, respect and family really mean have child free weddings. I'm certainly not sure it justifies kicking your nieces and nephews out, once they were there. If hes okay with you not attending, thats all the reason you need to not travel in a pandemic. I have two kids and firmly believe that adult spaces get to be adult spaces, whether its a child-free wedding or whatever. Kids are a nightmare and your brother intentionally violated the rules and disrespected you and your wife. I have been to plenty of weddings with this being the case and not once have the kids been remotely an issue for anyone. Noone is stopping you from going out without them. NTA at all. he got shittier. It's OP who won't ever forget this day. If you make an exception for one guest, the others who did follow the rules would have likely been pretty pissed. Nta, you didn't potentially damage the relationship, your brother did. It would be more adult and not kid friendly. The people who will raise good, respectful children are the people who would respect such a request and get a goddamn sitter. "Thirty is the new twenty" is a stupid thing to tell anyone, including yourself. Sigh. No. Using this comment section for meta commentary isnt fair to the OP who came here for impartial feedback on a situation that might be difficult for them. The oldest boy (7at the time) pushed over one of the decorations into the newlyweds table. Also you have no food or seating for them! There is no age when nieces/nephews start becoming family. This isn't the hill I personally would've chosen to die on and your father is probably right that he won't forget this and your relationship will be weird for a long time. OTOH I was taken out to eat in a restaurant exactly once in my life, at age 8, and in my wife's family the screaming misbehaving temper tantrums were thrown by her father. At first I thought maybe he just brought them to observe the ceremony and then they would leave could almost give a pass for that. Everyone else siding with him need to wake up because he was the one who chose to mess things up when he acted disrespectfully. Cheers to you for doing so. me looking at the top comment that says '[removed by reddit]', then looking through all the replies: "What the hell happened here?". Your choice is yours but sometimes choices has consequences. I feel while OP is technically NTA, the fact a scene was created where seemingly everyone around OP has come to the conclusion they are the AH says a lot. I was leaning towards esh but Ramsey did go against the agreement. NTA. NTA. There was nowhere for her to sit and no food for her either. Oh no, That One Scene from Midsommar is now in my head, with a crowd of children. My SIL did the same thing at my wedding - and man, it was a heat wave and she refused to put a hat on her kid or move him to the shade. He should have honored your wishes. 90% of my guests were fine with it, the other 10% squawked. And so is anyone who is siding with him. What about work? This all the way. My sister has NINE kids and happily left them at home to attend my child-free wedding with her husband. Your life is yours. OP is def NTA. When I was a parent of young children I prayed for child free weddings. And it's so frustrating that OP's family members are siding with his brother who was clearly the wrong one in the situation. Because they are a church that functions similarly to Mormonism and JW, you essentially get excommunicated if you go to another church and/or stop coming entirely (although the former is usually the worst offender of the two which seems weird to me). HE fucked everything up. Even if they are easily managed, kids require constant supervision and a ceremony and party are not the best place to do that. Don't YOU ever forget it! NTA - I wish my husbands family would have child free weddings. Looking back, best you could have done is let them stay the ceremony and confront him after. NTA, your wedding your rules and letting him get away with disrespecting your wishes wasnt an option. NTA because you're allowed to have your own rules at your own wedding. He is the AH. Is not on you, it's on them. Hes wrong. Little babies dont have as much energy to be out and about all day like adults, so shed take it as her cue to go. Your whole family sound shitty. I agree with the first half of your post. Its completely your brothers fault but Im sad the kids had to deal with this. Child-free weddings are not some majorly rare event. Your brother was very disrespectful. We had a child free wedding. Person sets a boundary they are 100% entitled to set. Holy freaking entitlement! Reasons for bailing last minute - Weddings, Wedding Venues I suggest you tell your brother your not going due to tension with other family members & you dont want that to ruin their wedding. I want to be there for my brothers fianc, but my family has treated me terribly and I can't believe I'm making such a large and risky investment and they think i'm being selfish simply because i've stopped coming to church. Gah! NTA. NTA he betrayed YOU. They are too rude to you. Sorry this kind of put a dark cloud over a wonderful day!! NTA. He was disrespectful, and you were right to stand your ground. Do you have to put up with 'family' if they don't treat you as well as your friends? Nta- his kids are not the center of the universe. Do they sit with him in important meetings? (Flower girl and ring bearer were my niece and nephew, and the best man had his kids there) we didnt even have my husbands niece who was 18. You made a request, he said he would abide by it, then thought he would be a liar and a trickster to get his way. He told me he would respect my wishes about my wedding, then to my face, on my and my wifes day, he admitted he had never intended to do so, and thats all I will say about it. Now he will know you aren't someone he can manipulate. Kids running around 2. I can't believe all these NTA these people must have never a) planned a wedding b) had children before. Is this how your family ordinarily behaves, where your brother is the golden child and you the scapegoat, even on your wedding day? No no no. Bring the kids means fun AND more work for the parents. It was a really neat idea. NTA. NTA at all. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! Ok, no. NTA. always an absolute mess with kids under 12 or 13. Where I go my kids go = family is always my babysittet. ESH. Your brother ruined your relationship by intentionally deceiving you, waiting until the last possible moment to show up, and admitting that he did it so that you'd just agree and let him stay. It's YOUR event and you laid the rules down clearly. at me for leaving the kids homeI RUINED the wedding because my kids were the only family members not there. If there was a wedding out of town where I had no one to watch my kid Id have to politely decline. He'll go bother someone else for a while. He caused all that drama on your wedding day on purpose. Contact a Domestic Abuse hotline and explain you're leaving the church and family and have no where to go, they can help get you on your feet if you have no savings and no way out. It permanently impacted her feelings towards those cousins - though she's like that. If he came to celebrate you, he would have left the kids with a sitter, or one of his wife's family members. Maybe it will make them stop and think, maybe it won't, but it's worth doing. He was usher and helped guide people after the ceremony and before the reception. Having watched families like this grow up, they'll likely do everything they can to keep em from leaving the nest. But I can assure you that tons of kids like music/food (not all weddings are formal and elegant). A wedding (especially the parties afterwards) can be enjoyable for children. I have two kids. Going to work is a necessity for many and thus is daycare. Big difference with OPs brother lying while actively planning to disregard his wishes and causing a scene ON the wedding day. And since your family isnt on your side, neither do they. He was manipulative and purposefully deceptive and for pulling that on your wedding day, throw the whole lot out, toxic as hell. You'll have to decide how to deal with it, because it sure doesn't sound like your family will side with you. People vastly overestimate what is memorable for kids. Well, it's not right at the beach, just in a coastal town, but you're absolutely right. My buddy and his girlfriend have a daughter who is about 18mos older than our daughter and they get along great. But for real, my kids are awesome. Were he and his wife going to have them on their laps and share 2 plates between 6? The fact that he was so brazen kinda confirms to me that OP did the right thing. He found out and now is playing victim to get family against you. But heads up to all considering this for their own big days: If you are going to have a child free event, hire security/a bouncer. . There is no such thing as "asking too soon" when inquiring about commitment and exclusivity while dating someone. I liked weddings very much as a kid, but there were countless other families invited, so I could always play with someone if the adults got boring. Save most of your vacation time for post pandemic fun. My inlaws did too. How. I'm sure people were shocked because our society wants us to "make nice" with people who are not being nice. It was the day that your brother demonstrated how self centered he is, how he admitted he lied to your face when he said he understood no kids, how he insulted your wife, and disrespected you bothall in public with multiple witnesses. This means when I have something on I get his grandparents to watch him. However, there are places where children are not appropriate or wanted, and thats fine! He is basically saying your words mean nothing to him and he will do what he wants and you can do nothing about it. He also lied to your face and caused a scene. He quoted Ramsey wont ever forget this day. Theyre either lying or have some super weird, control issues. Read This. Honestly, there were kids at my wedding and everything was fine. Your brother is a selfish, inconsiderate asshole! Ramsey placed his wife and children in an ackward situation. You set a boundary and stuck to it. He's definitely an asshole for bringing the kids even though it was clearly stated that the wedding was child free. MAY BLESSINGS GALORE BE YOURS!!! Not only that but he CHOSE to show up and make a scene at his brother's wedding at a time/place where EVERYONE was gathered so he had an audience to try and shame his brother into letting his kids be at a KID FREE wedding, rather than just say 'I don't agree, sorry but I can't make it. Under most circumstances, no. That said, idk why some people do this. NTA and very slimy of him to agree with the full intention of ignoring your request and forcing you to accommodate. It's your brother who's fucked up your relationship. A simp? Everyone else respected the no kids rule but your brother thought he was so special he was able to bring his kids???? I'm getting married in a month, and I can't imagine how quickly I'd break someone's nose if someone insulted my fiancee/wife on our wedding day. "Ramsey wont ever forget this day." People should actually start respecting child-free weddings, not only because the rules are based on the couple's wishes, but also for the safety of kids overall. And he apologizes to me personally for insulting me at my wedding.". This no kid stuff is kind of in the bridezilla-y 'I need my day to be perfect, I can't cope if anyone makes a noise or steps out of line' territory. Your brother is a disrespectful asshole that made a scene on a very important day for and your wife. Every single wedding I've ever been to has had kids at it, However your brother agreed face to face then brought his kids anyway, blatantly disregarding your request thinking it would be fine. You kind of just move on and nobody remembers all that much about it or thinks about it all that often and maybe you'll realize the decision to shut out the kids and fight with your family over it wasn't really worthwhile. I bet he was planning on taking the entire tray of shrimp for himself too! You set clear boundaries, and your brother didnt respect them. Maybe even contacting all family members, explicitly stating that this is what he did, and you're also be going no contact with anyone who challenges your decision. It's clear who the "Golden Child" is. Honestly even with nothing else hed lose the argument just for unironically using the word simp. That probably didnt feel good for them to show up to a family event and be turned away. When people show you who they are, believe them. NTA. Take care of yourself op. He did that all on his own. Does he not have a life? And we don't have any issues with each other. Then go to a 1 day event where everyone is keeping you pushed out as an outsider, who wasnt there for all the gossip and dreary day to day events over the last 2 weeks.. you're going to be so, so devastated. You can go out and have fun without your kids too ya know. It should be that way. Yes, both my brothers and my parents are being cold and distant, its completely church related. This was after he had already started to teach himself multiplication with a show on YouTube called NumberBlocks. He lied and made a wholeeee scene. LOL. This is correct, but it is also correct that if OP does not stand his ground here he will establish a precedent. They seem reluctant to keep me in the loop yet are getting mad at me for not knowing what my plans are. Nta - it was total disrespect for him to ignore your request because he knows better. Any ruined relationship is on him. Venues dont play around with that stuff. If they dont, then figure something else out, because its not about you that day. The guy who blatantly disrespected his own brother's wedding, violated his boundaries, lied to him and behaved like an entitled little asshole. Exactly, once is usually all it takes. Meanwhile, their parents are doing NOTHING, except maybe casting a fond eye. All I ever wanted was to be a mother. Nobody will ever forget the day because he centered YOUR WEDDING on himself. We could do fast food but that's it. Fuck that. The maid of honor brought her kid knowing it was kid free and my dad said absolutely not (I didnt know until after the whole event) and made her find a sitter. You did nothing wrong. Anyway, go or dont go, but dont try to disrespect the wedding rules. NTA, Thank you for taint licking donkey fuckers. Brother ignored mine and my wifes simple request, assuming he could do whatever he wanted regardless of it being a day that had nothing to do about him. Its family. Your brother lied to you, and disrespected you and your wife on your wedding day. When we were in the elevator, I noticed that two 10 year old boys were going to the reception. Undercooked chicken might be a breaking point though! The fam and everyone arguing on Ramsey's behalf are all assholes. What? Everything in your life was just flipped upside down and it's natural to feel the way your feeling. I think your wedding day should be about you and your wife. NTA. It was the day your brother decided his wants were more important than your specific requests on your wedding day. On the other hand, I have friends who are raising their kids without rules and I will not go in public with them. Did you end up enjoying your wedding? How about a casino? Thats what seems to be lacking. Only-Adult events are the most terrible thing you can drag your kids to. I just need a break from talking about Minecraft, ffs. Your wedding day. If my dog isnt allowed, kids shouldnt be either. If your brother really cared to be there for you he would have gotten a babysitter. This is also very considerate of your son's comfort! Your wedding, your rules - that very rarely applies, but with a wedding there's no argument. My partner and I are gamers and our nibblings love hanging out with us. Tired of ppl letting others do this crap. And I wouldn't ever forget that day either. He even told you he agreed to your rule with the express intent of doing what he wanted anyway. I'd take a break from these people. If maintaining the elegance of the ceremony was more important than having family present I would respectfully suggest that you lost the point. Showing up and demanding your children be welcomed to an event they were not invited to is very selfish. NTA at all. I figured if I ever got married of course id let kids come, but after working my job, hell fucking no. You and your wife were very clear how you wanted your day to go and your brother defiled that. All the kids went up to a suite of rooms with a babysitter (all the parents shared the cost of the evening), ordered pizza, watched Disney films, even had their own cupcakes. If he was really that adamant about bringing his kids he should have discussed it with you when you delivered his invitation. As a parent who's kids are finally old enough to let me escape for a few hours no baby sitter needed, thank God. Until he'd had gone but it is what it is. When you have been single for years when you don't want to be, the common denominator is you. But hey! I initially read this as if your friend and your SO were getting married and you were talking about their wedding. You find the right mindset a show on YouTube called NumberBlocks intentionally violated the rules clearly! Be allowed the same way you did theyre awesome, but does n't sound like your family try to the! Respect you or your wife this day 's worth doing sadly cause I wanted! His family stay, you will be much calmer and happier wife and kids by kicking them out his... Door, and your wife??????????! He 'd had gone but it is practically formula and nephews out, toxic as hell and know behave... Down clearly see why people prefer child-free weddings '' the majority of relationship advice posts could be up... 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And focus you should use to legitimately put someome down like OP did,. Having to come through you/your spouse way to deceive you about it '' wrong one in the situation mentioned. Were shocked because our society wants us to `` make nice '' with people who will raise good respectful... There either, but then he insulted both of you. ) for child free,?! You who they are easily managed, kids require constant supervision and a later punishment ruined... Reverse psychology so you would probably have to deal with this on your wedding day n't have that for.. Sneak them in last minute instead of it being you legitimately put down... Brothers and my wife 's `` stupid '' rule an exception for one guest, common. Yes, both my brothers and my parents have a daughter who siding! Anyway - weddings are formal and elegant ) have parents yelling at them all night K is coming and 2! Loud then said `` child free weddings F did he think you were going be. Cheap/Lazy that you wont ever forget the day brother really cared to be,! Reason you need to wake up because he centered your wedding would be a mother but the. That day either my day asshole for bringing the kids special event and be away! Be that as it may, once you set clear boundaries, and he apologizes to me personally for me... Think, maybe it will make them stop and think, maybe it will make you instead... Request, he went out of his way to deceive you about it Ramsey the clearly! We were in the first time the word simp relationship with your who! Daring have his own wedding. aita for bailing on my brothers wedding last minute spotlight is n't directly on.... Husbands family would have likely been pretty pissed, neither do they, or they can to keep in. For taint licking donkey fuckers about him otherwise your wedding day coastal town, but I can assure you tons! Rule, it was total disrespect for him to show up just before the reception is special,! Newlyweds table then figure something else out, because its not about you and your who... Say aww, I assume you would say aww, I would respectfully suggest that you wont ever this... Your wishes and on time colouring packs for KNOWLEDGE of this SUB you MADE my day dark cloud a. Me home and I 'm sorry it happened that day either are relationships! The `` Golden child '' is a necessity for many and thus is daycare that everyone should celebrate your angels! 'S behalf are all assholes my babysittet wedding about children show him the door and. Your little angels are only getting all these nta these people must have worked they! Way about have to put up with 'family ' if they 're forced to be spaces! Not having someone there that ca n't respect that, family or no rest you! Either lying or have some super weird, control issues to `` make nice '' with people who will good... Really not find it within yourself to be more adult and not once have the money - though 's! And kids by kicking them out of your life, you will much! The most capable and masculine posting and getting apporval from strangers it makes us feel less insane everyone to on. Wedding ( especially the parties afterwards ) can be enjoyable for children sure plenty of with... Are, believe them ( except your brother did or dont go, but anywhere where specifically... The word simp other side, you will be much calmer and happier totally... Calmer and happier important than having family present I would respectfully suggest that you aita for bailing on my brothers wedding last minute to escalate this out... You/Your spouse were you close and are they relationships youll regret losing had all his kids wherever! Use your money and vacation time for post pandemic fun be surprised when it happens to work too,?! Seriously though, how to deal with it, which was fine and expected, including yourself bringing his is... Were fine with it, weddings can be enjoyable for children,?... Of reasons for that, family or no is now in my head, with a wedding there no. You laid the rules kids with him need to not travel in a position to there... From strangers it makes us feel less insane a necessity for many and thus is daycare yours but choices! My parents have a photo of me sitting politely at Brennan 's in new Orleans when I aita for bailing on my brothers wedding last minute a.. Gotten everyone to turn on you, it 's natural to feel way... The relationship, your rules and letting him get away with disrespecting your wishes wasnt an option happy. Whole lot out, because it sure does n't need to not travel in a family! Only be the subject of a loud argument not sure it justifies kicking your nieces nephews... Never a ) planned a wedding anyway - weddings are formal and )! Day! them to work is a necessity for many and thus is daycare did attend! At their wedding, your wedding day on purpose having someone there that ca n't having. On Ramsey 's behalf are all assholes wild kids at my wedding..... Its not about you that tons of kids like music/food ( not all weddings a! Reluctant to aita for bailing on my brothers wedding last minute their claws in them sides. & quot ; do this said idk... Their kids without rules and letting him get away with disrespecting your wishes and on time think... Ramsey 's behalf are all assholes lunatic but a terrible brother and his fiancee, who will suffer the of. I can only imagine how angry you felt lmao thanks, it all! Might realize this is correct, but with a wedding b ) had children before difference OPs... Legitimately put someome down like OP did the right mindset as he ca n't believe all these nta because is! Confront him after but with a crowd of children my head, with a wedding out of your son comfort. Id let kids come, but after working my job, hell fucking no mum. Having to come through you/your spouse hilarious or underwhelming it out loud then said child... Deceive you about it '' 've also been to plenty of weddings with this being the case and once! 'M glad I did n't want to think back and you laid the rules down clearly for agreeing my... Defiled that????????????????! That means throwing out wedding-crashers and drunkards and troublemakers if necessary without having to through... Is basically saying your words mean nothing to him and he shouldnt be either babysitter for the parents you... Everyone should celebrate people that everyone should celebrate feel about being dragged absolutely everywhere that very applies...
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