This. People get real invested in the way they think others should act, and then flip out when those around them don't follow the plan. NTA and honestly if I was your mom I would be considering a divorce. OP should also ask stepdad and stepsister - when I knew of this dress before you even knew my mother, and she wore it to marry my deceased father, and you see how much distress this causes me, how can you continue to insist that stepsister wear it? She tried to steal the show and it COMPLETELY backfired on her lmao. Talk to your mom alone just the two of you. Grow a ruddy spine and stand up against them for your daughter's sake if not your own. Does she want to "borrow" your husband, too? OP, it is YOUR dress, please do not give into their demands. My dress has zero attachment other than it was MY DRESS, to MY WEDDING, and I truly cannot imagine a situation where I would allow anyone else to wear it. I couldn't even read this without backing away from my monitor. I have been called selfish, mean, a bitch and other stuff and there is a lot of upset over my decision. You have a dress. Don't budge. I don't buy the "it will save us so much money line". I think he's jealous and he wants that dress gone. This was a great way of folding in her horrible behavior without any dramatics or forcing her out. Legacy aside. NTA. Also the thing between your husband and his mom feels unhealthy. Period. Her sister then soiled the dress, took it to the cleaners, then never went to pick it up. Usually on purpose. If your mother doesn't listen, take the dress and go to your grandparents. OUT. Bet dad and stepmom are cheap. The OPs second update took an unfortunate turn. Honestly, I would even suggest taking the dress somewhere else, for example to a relative's house. Theyre making a meal out of it! Sounds like she has some reverse Oedipus complex going on here by putting her son in place of a husbandeww. This was my thought!! It sounds like there's toxicity in the family if you're being called insulting names because of this. With any app, email, person talking to you, Just repeat these three sentences. Its an heirloom. She needs therapy. NTA. You're brilliant. I bet if it was the other way around they wouldn't give you their dress. NTA- Clever? If it is good enough for you, it is good enough for her. Im also so sorry that your stepsister was cruel enough to try the it looks better on me argument, too. > My mom brought up the fact that she wasn't comfortable with that since she was saving the dress for me. It doesnt matter if you would wear the dress again or not. Its yours. It can be seen as entitled but as I see it, it's more about feeling rejected by her idolized big sis, that makes here say these things. She and him are the AH. This is exactly what I needed today. Your relationship is not defined by you giving her your things. Is there a waist to your dress? NTA, OP: stand your ground. Which is gross because why would a grown woman care so much about what a teenager looks like? But no. Same style but looks alot different. Also I am not going to your wedding and going no contact with you until you learn the world does not revolve you! How in the world is your stepsister entitled to control your look? NTA - These people are strange. She will show up to the wedding in the dress if you dont do this. You are not selfish. Not begged and bullied into being given. The dress my mom wore to marry my dad was 100% hand made by my dads mother and grandmother with help from my dad. Also OP because this is the top comment, make sure the dresses are both locked up somewhere safe where ONLY you and your husband are able to access. He knows that this dress is not theirs to give. Your mom made that dress for you. Sometimes being selfish is being selfish sometimes people calling you selfish because you have boundaries. Yeah these folks sound like the kind of people who would steal it. It also doesn't matter if you dont wear them again it's NONE of their business. Thank you for having a sense of humor about the situation and going with it! OF. Theres no aunt, you dont feel guilty, your MIL deserved it. Nope. You get to have your mom at the wedding. Second, I realize that it is important to share (I have 3 kids; I'm constantly preaching sharing,) BUT it's also important for others to realize that you are not obligated to share anything. this is hilarious! And it is obvious he is controlling and abusing the mum too. The verbal abuse, gas lighting, manipulation, and strong-arming has me so sad for you. Why can't she use the other dress your mother bought, or something else entirely? They all say it's been 5 years now and the wedding dress won't be worn again by me (which might not be true, my husband and I have talked about renewing our vows far in the future and wearing the same clothes). If she thinks the world of you like your post suggests then you could have offered another solution other than the dress. AITA has really been an education. How incredibly thoughtless. I'd be down with that.). Do you normally ask your stepmother if she kept the dress from her first wedding? Like omg his MOM wore a white gown weeeeird. Outstanding. Notice that the one family member who supports OP is her stepbrother hes wise to his sisters ways. Stand firm! It's more than a little ridiculous that they even continued to ask once the mom said no, but once they saw how upset OP is they should be apologising and moving on. Some people just want to win. My mom knows where I am she does not know where the dress is. what is is about heirloom wedding dresses that make thieves go crazy? NTA! I would honestly go low contact with them if they keep insisting, as they're displaying some toxic behavior. He's only a grade above me and we have mutual friends. In no universe would you ever be the AH. If your grandparents ( fathers side) are available, call them. Do not leave it in the house which is accessible. Its not about her giving it to ONE of her Daughters but about passing it on to the daughter of the man she married in that dress!! Is there any specific jewelry or a veil piece that you wore, that she could wear? NTA. It is your dress and your decision. Tess will steal it to wear and and destroy it so you cant. Just post this under It's also really unhealthy how obsessed with your things your step sister is. I love that this comment is by Snapes Mistress. Like. You don't owe her the dress or the apology. Very prudish, lights had. Because the dress in question was not freely given. Its your wedding dress and holds a lot of memories and meaning to you. Idk stepsister is completely obsessed with something my dead parent left me. You may not make the same disgusting comments that the evil stepdad & sister make but you are just as guilty for allowing it to happen. Its unfortunate that her fabulous personality did not make her shine, as shed hoped- oops- shed hoped her wedding/mother of bride dress would do that. And by having the bridal party all in white they didn't even make MIL standout, but made her coordinate instead, so any guest not clued in to the background would be none the wiser. I wonder if a bank security box would be able to hold the wedding dress for the time being till this blew over. Complain you're too nice? Tessa wants this sentimental dress "to save money", which is a horrible reason to rip a dream from two people. No one is entitled to your things. "My stepsister feels like I'm unfair and is hurt that I don't consider her enough of a sister to share it with her regardless of who made it.". NTA. Yup. NTA. What a freaking boss move! Get that dress somewhere else - grandparents or a friend or even pick up a storage unit just to stash the dress (and anything else that these cheapskates may want to get their hands on). Who asks to have someone else's wedding dress? And telling you need lipo? This is something your mom made for you! I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Say "I said no, this is non-negotiable, DO NOT ASK ME AGAIN. Marinating in marinara flags, as it turns out! . You either respect my boundary or you can see yourself out. I was not interested in wearing my SILs wedding dress. They'll ruin the dress so it's impossible for you to wear. Maybe its just me, but isnt it kinda weird for his daughter to wear the dress that his current wife wore to marry another man? Nta. Your daughter isn't going to want an old fashioned dress. A few thought Claire and the OPs mother were mad that she was the first to say no. NTA you need to let them know she's not having the dress and you wearing it will also be like your father is walking with you , your mum has promised you this dress your step dad gets no say in it as he didn't pay for it . She is the owner of the dress. Wish I could have been there to see mils face as she faded into a sea of white as you stood out in glorious pink. Im honestly astonished at a lot of these posts on this subreddit. 4 - if her fmil lets her wear hers. Everyone else is an A-H. My mother doesnt have her wedding dress and over 40 years later it still hurts her. Make sure those two dresses are nowhere accessible by your stepsister, stepmother, or father. I imagine Brad will be vindictive and nasty after this, given his character so far. She will try to steal it and Brad will help. It seems like they want to take the dress just because they can. Relatively cheap, and NO ONE will be able.to access unless OP wants them to! Follow instructions as written above, (Unless your family are gossipy snoops, then just put something super boring as a decoy at the top of the Rubbermaid). Your husbands ex is pretty clingy, eh? NTA. NTA - Seems much more uncommon to share a wedding dress with a sibling than your family thinks. NTA I would freak shit and your mom needs to put her foot alllll the way down on this. Well played! I get she wants some kind of proof of how much you love her, of the bond you have, but her getting your belongings doesn't make you closer. She needs her own dress for her own wedding. Definitely a jealousy thing, which is sad, but OP is in a sticky situation here. Your husband's aunt is wrong. Interesting that the stepbrother is backing OP up too, I bet Tessa gets everything she wants and he's had enough. You are risking this to satisfy the tantrum of an adult who can take another dress or buy her own.. Brad & Tessas entitlement is shocking. NTA. I'm sorry she is your MIL now, I guess your husband is worth it because you went through with the marriage (congrats btw!). Because theyre still family and spreading love is a great way to guarantee that your legacy will be remembered. NTA. She needs to hear from everyone about what she's doing. Brad, of course, for just going all paterfamilias, and your sister for. Good on him for standing up for the OP. As said, this is not your Mom's dress. Nta - why can't she wear her mothers dress, or have her mom buy a special one or have one commissioned for her? You don't want the few memories you have left to possibly be tarnished. Only side note: your husband should put her in her place though. WTF? NTA you are a fucking legend and there will be status of you. After Tessa wears it, it will be "Tessa's wedding dress" and he will start arguing that she should be allowed to keep it, meaning it will be out of his house and he can go back to pretending his wife was a virgin who had never even looked at a man before him. It's too bad your dad's wife's daughter is sad about this, but as you wouldn't give her your prom dress, she should have guess that the wedding dress would have been out of the question, too. nta - but I'm pretty sure you're dating one of the TLC crazies. Do not give her any money!!!!! She doesn't get someone else's family items, she doesn't get other people's dresses, and if she has even the slightest desire for OP to be like a sister to her, she will stop that behavior and try to actually be nice and act close and sisterly. Literally why does Tessa need the ONE dress that has nothing to do with her? This sounds so beautiful, Ive never thought of that, maybe this will catch on with other peoples weddings. NTA She is not being understanding and anyone taking her side isnt either. Also, once she wears the dress for the wedding, it will be her wedding dress, and you will not get it back. Your grandma or your MIL (assuming that it would be safe there), if they are willing. You could have worked together to come up with something nice that belonged to both of you. Meaning I wear a completely different shirt and pants size than Tessa and my mom who wear the same size. Can we see the dress OP? When she has kids, she'll understand. The fact that there is even more sentimental value to the dress makes that an even easier decision. You can't just buy new ones. NTA - THIS! NTA. I could not afford the dress I really wanted and ended up getting one second hand. She can wear the dress your mom got for the wedding with Brad. I hope that your mom is able to stay firm about this and doesnt give in to Brad and Tessas demands. I worship you, full on. Your moms legacy will have a permanent place in your sisters life too if you allow her to wear the dress on her special day. It sounds like stepsis is just sad, right? They're pretty entitled. Please update us. I wonder how long the dress and by virtue the mother's ex-husband has been a source of resentment for him. It has no significance to Tessa and it sounds like she is picking a fight with you. A grown woman is trying to steal a dress from you for her wedding because she's too cheap to buy her own and her Dad is helping her? Stand your ground. That dress is for YOU on YOUR wedding day. Generally speaking, NTA, push came to shove and you did what you felt you needed to do. OP if youre in Denver, Ill come with a ladder! Just all around brilliant if you ask me. Keep your reply as a firm NO that contains no details/explanations for your family to argue against. Keep the dress for your future kids. While the OP thought she might be in the wrong after the feedback she received from her family, the subReddit didnt think so. Be prepared for her to suddenly demand you get rid of it. Sounds like a her problem. And as a mother, Id leave if my husband did this to my daughter and didnt see how horrible it was. This is definitely bullying and just disgusting. Is it common in your culture for wedding dresses to be re-worn amongst families? The one thing she refused to sell was her wedding dress. Unless you think the MIL is a perfectly normal lovely lady ESH when you cant see it coming - unless OP was blind in the relationship. Since your mom has seen this post she needs to defend you to her husband and stand up for you. The dress has to go to a trusted relative or family friend. Some thought the family was being incredibly unfair and entitled. The OP wore a beautiful dress for her wedding. NTA in the slightest! Instead of being entitled to the one thing your mum and dad wanted you to have. Right? Brad is a big fat bully, and his daughter is a spoiled and entitled B word. Why does your stepsister even think its appropriate to askand why is your father siding with her? The borrower had hoped she could keep the wedding dress if it was "already dyed". The responses from dad or stepsister afterwards could be assholish. Ugh. Your mom is on the fence because of her husband. Even if mom stands up for you Id still remove it to a safe place. Tessa should have a deep review of her own behavior and what she has done up to this point. Theyre being jerks (stepdad and stepsister). The day after the wedding she called my husband and lectured him about how mean we were to her and we didn't let her feel special and we took away her shine. NTA. As for your mom I hope she wakes up and realizes that this dude aint for her that shes an abusive relationship and that she could do way better than this dude and that you come before him and his spoiled daughter. Both of them are selfish AH-s. Nta, I could be wrong but it seems shes doing it out of spite. I truly hope she chooses love, but if she doesn't, I hope you can forgive her and choose love yourself. Oh definitely, this was planned. Honestly, I dont think youre taking a big leap. It's been made specifically for and then further customised TO FIT YOU. Brad is nothing but a bully. Tessa can wear her Mom's dress or your Mom's second dress. I love what you did. That may be a huge factor in why they are being jerks about it. Marrying in the dress of the wedding with Brad would make way more sense. That isn't what sisters do. And the only thing I would send in response to Tessa's guilt trip messages is: "Imagine your Dad died, and all you had left of him was a dress he'd had made for your mother. She was shown how much everyone that cares about you and your husband, care about her. Further incidents may result in a ban. So your stepsister, who I am assuming is an adult because she's getting married, doesn't understand the sentimental nature of a wedding dress and a prom dress that your dead mother made for you before she died because she knew she was dying? She absolutely will try and take the dress without you knowing if it stays in that house! NTA. She is the one that is spoiled and selfish and acting like a brat. YOU know and feel the sentimental pull of it. Please dont leave the dress where Tessa or her stupid dad can get it. "I would rather die a thousand deaths than to see my mother's wedding dress on that spoiled, selfish cow!!" You weren't 'taking away her shine', you were taking away her leverage over YOUR special day. Shes still alive, and my marriage ended in divorce, but I STILL wouldnt allow anyone else to wear it aside from my sisters daughter (I dont have kids). Especially with her calling me mean and pushing so hard for it. Bravo! Dont let you dad or stepmom into your home. Or at least shop together? I have 2 older sisters and I got their handmedowns when I was a kid, but as soon as they started to buy their own clothes as teenagers, those were solely theirs. That is a perfect description for those mothers who think their son is basically their partner. Your mom may not want to see it this way and would probably deny it, but if she lets Tessa have the dress, it would essentially be choosing Tessa and her marriage with Brad over you, because in doing so shed be saying that Tessas and Brads sore feelings about Tessa not getting her way matter more than your feelings, your boundaries, and any agreements or promises that the two of you made before Tessa and Brad even came into the picture. Tessa is extremely jealous of OP and she's gotten her dad to participate in tearing OP down. Youre a classic entitled evil stepsister. In a post that has since gone viral, Objective-Cry-9118 asked " AITA for asking my step - daughter to wake 20 minutes early so she can make breakfast?" The OP (original poster) began by explaining. Actually OP, I think you saved yourself by inviting her dress shopping. Get a safe deposit box that only you and your husband can access and put the dresses there. Youre NTA here, not even a bit. The fact that they cannot see how awful this whole situation is, is beyond me. NTA. The way you handled her attention seeking behavoir I found to be really smart and quite funny. Tessa will try to take the dress if you leave it at your house. Your step-sister looks up to you and loved getting your hand-me-downs. Sounds to me like Brad told her about it to get rid of it. Message the mods if you have any questions or concerns. You got a r/justmil and r/pettyrevenge all in one. She has promised you this dress. I think that you handled it perfectly. Two weeks passed and we get invited to dinner again at their house., We showed up and immediately his sister starts moping. r/pettyrevenge. When someone reacts this poorly to setting a boundary, it just proves that said boundary was necessary. Just because he seems to have moved on and has a new wife doesn't mean you have to move on after losing your mother. You need to get that dresser someplace safe and locked up or I can guarantee it will disappear and end up on your stepsisters body the day of her wedding. That she cant force a relationship between the two of you. And any mother that allows a husband of only a year to call her minor child 'spoiled' and a 'brat' needs to get herself and hubby to a marriage counselor stat. I would reach out to stepsister one last time. It was on clearance at Davids Bridal in USA. PS - I think your husband and I are brothers because Im pretty sure we have the same mother. You can't come and never speaking to each other again are wildly different. Your step-sister should get her own wedding dress. Does your sister know that the handy downs werent really given out of love but taken from you? I can't understand how they even think they have a say in who gets the dress!!! 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